Heartsong Wreakage

 

I always knew how badly I wanted you

And I know how hard it is to let you go

I’m trying to hide it, not let it show

But this love we tried to grow, shriveled and wilted



So I’m jilted, rejected, fuck him… I was down-right disrespected

Trust broken, his little hair dresser token, with words exchanged that I wish remained unspoken

You must be fucking joking! What the hell are you smoking!?

I’ve finally awoken to the reality that is my life.

it's okay to fail, just keep on trying... it will be worth it in the end.

Life is kinda complicated... 
But it's supposed to be, and the things that are worth it are often what challenge us most.
You fall, you rise....you make mistakes & hopefully you learn from them. know that it's okay to fail. Successful people fail many times before they succeed. They just never stopped trying! You’re human and no one is perfect. You’ve been hurt, but never let your problems define your life.... Take a deep breath... You are alive! Be thankful and positive about living and think of what a precious privilege it is to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love. 
♥ Sometimes there is some sadness in our journey, but there is also lots of beauty. ♥
 

stuck within my dreams

Sometimes, I think I've got it all together.
Sometimes, I'm falling apart at the seams.
I think sanity lingers somewhere subconsciously
But I'm stuck deep within my dreams...

 

 

Suckling at the Nation's Chaffed Red Teat...

So much nonsense and dialects compounded

Into falsified truths and lies unbounded

Syrupy sweet

as they drip and slowly leak

                  from the crusty corners of your mouth…

 

Residing residue, untrue still comes through

Inaudible, muffled, muted and blue

Quickly computed to complicated chaos

Tightly wrapped but creating uproar.

Slanted stories, a political whore...

Combine blue and red, purple blood on your floor

 

But why adore a government who swears their just saving the poor?

Even though we’ll have to take more,

Obtain further debt

A Communist China we can't ignore

Cause change is too scary,

We’re sinking too deep

And that creepy creeper has you grasped firmly by the feet.

 

And Guess what??!!

You’ll never be able to swim back to the top,

Big brother wants to keep you boiling in the melting pot

Where every day you’ll be urged to take advantage,

Suckling so hard at our nation’s chaffed red teat

While demanding a juicy treat simply for your existence…

Your belly is full of hungry handout demands

Filling the nation with Obama-phones and welfare plans

When we should be strong and hard-working country…

 

But with those fat cats, dirty weasels and pilfering rats,

Sneakily tilting their fancy top hats,

Towards a society that seems not to care…

How are we to know which path to follow?

I don’t know about you,

But I’m not one to just tilt my head back and swallow….

 

Haven't blogged in months...

I feel like in the little spare time I have I should be blogging. Most of my time these days is pretty tied up with work and dance and doing homework for my MBA classes. Sometimes I enjoy class and expanding my outlook and knowledge. But sometimes all the work is crazy! Cest le vie! Or something.

Sipping coffee, on the couch trying to be studious. Uploaded the blogger app on my iPhone and typing with my thumbs. Life is good for the most part, I have struggles as much as anyone else but things always work out.

Anyways, back to reading. My CEO says to enjoy these years. That I'll miss them when they are gone.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it - How Mother Teresa has inspired me.

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."
— Mother Teresa

 

 A truly inspiring woman her entire life. Leading by example and sought to engage and help others by living a life devoted to Christ. She was amazing in her devotion to helping those in need, unloved, and uncared for. She was a light. Always giving of herself and dedicating her life to making the lives of others better. After she became a nun, she started in poor slums in Calcutta, teaching others the way of the Lord and working as a teacher at St. Mary's. On May 24, 1937, she took her Final Profession of Vows to a life of poverty, chastity and obedience. As was the custom for Loreto nuns, she took on the title of "mother" upon making her final vows and thus became known as Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa continued to teach at Saint Mary's, and in 1944 she became the school's principal.

Two years later, she received her 2nd calling from Christ, as she was traveling by train to the Himalayan Foothills. He told her to abandon her teachings, and that she had another calling. Mother Teresa recalls him saying to her: "I want Indian Nuns, Missionaries of Charity, who would be my fire of love amongst the poor, the sick, the dying and the little children," It took a while to get out of teaching, since you can't just leave the convent you've been assigned to so in 1948, the archbishop released her and she wandered into the city wearing the white sari and blue sash that became her staple outfit. 

Mother Teresa quickly translated this somewhat vague calling into solid  actions to help those in poverty. She began an open-air school and established a home for the dying destitute in a gross old building she convinced the city government to donate to her cause. In October 1950, she won canonical recognition for a new congregation, the Missionaries of Charity, (founded with only 12 members to start and  most of them former teachers or pupils from St. Mary's School.) As the ranks of her congregation swelled and donations poured in from around India and across the globe, the scope of Mother Teresa's charitable activities expanded exponentially. Over the course of the 1950s and 1960s, she established a leper colony, an orphanage, a nursing home, a family clinic and a string of mobile health clinics. By the time she died in 1997, the Missionaries of Charity had numbered  around 4,000 ( in addition to thousands of volunteers) — with 610 foundations in 123 countries on all seven continents. She also traveled to New York City where she opened a soup kitchen as well as a home to care for those infected with HIV/AIDS. Then, in 1979, Mother Teresa won her highest honor when she was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of her work "in bringing help to suffering humanity." 

She combined empathy, with a drive to help others, and management skills to achieve so much in her short life time... I think she was incredibly inspiring and although I am not deeply religious, I am spiritual and believe in being a genuine good person. I want to make a difference in people's lives and influence them to think about their actions. I try my damnedest to lead through example, and make good choices, and pay it forward. I hope that others look at Mother Teresa and the good that she did, and think about what they can do to make someone else's life a little better. I love random acts of kindness, but I see many people these days very much in a "me, me, me" state of mind. Many seem to think that they have it so much harder than others, and I see them playing the victim... or making excuses as to why not. And that life is disappointing and hard, and things never go their way. Obviously this isn't everybody, but it's sad that these are their thoughts and there are many selfish individuals. I hope I can inspire others to change. To think outside themselves. To realize that when we can be nice to everyone, and respectful of everyone, even when they aren't nice or respectful to you, we can achieve peace and happiness. But I'll continue to work on myself every day. I am far from perfect, and I'm sure I'll never be a Mother Teresa... but I want to make a difference in peoples lives and I can follow her example and help others in any way that I can...

Dance Thoughts: Importance of Modern and Having a Solid Foundation

Most people know in regards to dance, I'm a modern girl and love the history behind modern dance... I love all the choreographers that started the modern movement, like Mary Wigman who radically opposed classical dance values and movements and focused more on a feeling, which is what Isadora Duncan took in creating her style, focusing on emotions and movements became more pedestrian. Then other artists like Ruth St. Dennis focus their choreography in a feminist way and she meets Ted Shawn and together they form the Dennishawn school and company in Cali, creating "musical visualizations" I think they called them... Great modern artists to come, passed through this school. Such as, Doris Humphey (who focuses on the relationship between gravity and the human body) and Martha Graham (most famous student of Denishawn) who's dance style focused on the ‘center’ of the body, working with the floor and coordinated breathing a movement. Then there was Lester Horton, who created the technique that Alvin Ailey worked with to create the Alvin Ailey Company (One of my favorite companies) and this style of modern brought ethnic, social, and political issues to the forefront... especially those associated with African American heritage and culture because the original company was all African American dancers).  

My style focuses on the core teachings of these foundation techniques. When I'm teaching I certainly focus on Horton , but I have my own flavor in there as well, putting focus on breathing all the way through the music, and using your breath to generate a greater movement. Still working on things like core strength, and the flow of motion in relation to the music that coincides with it. Dance is an art, but people dance for different reasons, especially young dancers, and it's up to the studio and the teacher to enforce strong technique classes such as ballet and modern and educating their dancers on the history behind it. I strongly believe in core classes and knowing the history of specific styles and using them all to your advantage and growing and adapting as a Dancer as well as an artist... Get beyond the steps, understand the movement and fit it on your body. Its not about how high you can kick your leg, or how many pirouettes you can do... it's about the joy and emotions the dancing brings to the dancer and the overall impact the dancer bestows on their audience.
When dance is raw and organic and fully emboided... it is true, it is real, and it's what makes dance beautiful and meaningful to both the observer and the dancer.

"Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul"

                                                                      - Plato

the key to everything: Balance

Do you ever feel like your talking and wishing you could shut up, but the words just tumble so freely from your mouth and it’s like for a second you feel better cause you can’t keep the nonsense bottled up inside? I have.  I’ve been honest. Brutally honest. To the point of where I think some of my close friends would even label me a “Bitch”. I think there’s a part of me that wants everyone to like me, but I feel like so many people just are their own worst enemy and will be in denial about everything so it’s good to call them out.

John calls this issue, “verbal diarrhea”… I hate it when he calls it that, but it’s true. I’ve had some people say I’m mean even. Never do I ever want to be mean about anything or hurt anyone, but I don’t like hiding from the truth and I am just blunt about a lot of things. You could say I’m not good at censoring myself.  But I never want to hurt them with my words… just get them to see what I can see in them. I feel like many sell themselves short. I even do it sometimes. But I try hard not to. I try to remember what I am capable of, and the strides that have taken me here. I can’t resent others for putting their focus on things that don’t benefit themselves or the world around them. That is their choice.  Different people prioritize things very differently. It’s just weird how we’re all so different, but we’re really all the same. The main thing that I have been letting slosh around in my thoughts is balance. Work balance, fun balance, love balance, everything needs to be balanced…. The key to life and happiness is just this… and I think it’s something that I will continue needing to work on.  

 

abstract balance by Mike Featherstone

SELF: continual work in progress – 3.21.12

Some days I think about the past, and what made me think we’d always last

When life’s uncertain, like red wine in a glass

And I’m wondering is it half full or half empty?

Though there’s plenty, an abundance, more than twenty

Of thoughts rushing at any given time.

They will appear, never clear. And I’m trying to see, I’m trying to hear.

Flickering  like a static television in my mind.

They’re stuck and unaligned

On this need to be kind, to pay it forward, and not fall behind

But when I try to unwind, it never happens…

Because I’m focused on this guilt that I need to give more

That I’m never doing enough, that I need to explore,

Open more doors, love and adore…

Before my resentment, grabs hold. Starts a war.

I try to understand, get beyond myself, find a way out

A way to erase the doubt that shouts, “You’re always gonna fail!”

So I’m working on tuning out that voice

Because it’s a conscious choice

To sing and rejoice,

Seeking only the positive.

I'll choose to live,

To forget and forgive

I'll choose to love…

Never push, never shove

And always grab hold of the belief that there’s something above

That will guide me in the right direction.

Stylized Movement... Past and Present

Dreams: A Journey Through Her Mind

 Stylized Movement is a 501c3, non-profit dance company in Massachusetts that I founded 3 years ago with Katherine Vazquez.

www.stylizedmovement.com (website is under construction though)

We're on Facebook: Stylized Movement's Facebook
And Twitter: www.twitter.com/stylizedmovemnt

These are just a couple of dance pictures we have from over the past few years.  Stylized Movement was developed because I feel like I have this innate desire to create and dance, and I wanted a way in which I could utilize my dance background and training. I studied dance from a young age and through college. (We go Dean! Dean's School of Dance Success Stories ) I was actually very honored to be considered a success story, even though I feel there are others that are more deserving than I.

I love dance and movement and feel blessed that I've been able to keep it in my life. Dance has a way of letting you express things that don't seem possible through words. As Martha Graham, modern dance pioneer, once said "Dance is the song of the body." It lets your movements flow and follow the sounds that accompany it. It lets you create a picture, make the music visible, and feel things and emotions that weren't necessarily there before.

 I feel blessed to have already worked with so many talented dancers and artists in the area and I'm eager to continue growing and developing our network So far our first 2 projects have been very successful in that  L.O.V.E. (Love Overcomes Virtually Everything) raised $1,500 that was needed to work with NorthStar Nonprofits to help get our paperwork done and submitted to the IRS for our official non-profit status.  And with our 2nd Project, Dreams - A Journey Through Her Mind we raised almost $2,000 to donate to Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation (fighting childhood cancer one cup at a time) http://www.alexslemonade.org/

Dreams: A Journey Through Her Mind

 It's been rewarding feeling like we are giving back through our dancing and connecting different people in the community together for a common goal.
And I can only think that as we continue to grow our reach will spread, and we will be able to make an even bigger impact. An individual alone can make an impact... but a group of individuals, varying talents but a similar goal is certainly a force to be reckoned with.

Dreams: A Journey Through Her Mind

Some people have asked me why I don't have a studio and I guess in a way this feels so different than just owning/running a studio. The conclusion I've come to is through keeping the arts and dance in my life this way, I'm not going to burn myself out... or feel like I hate it some days. I get scared that if I ended up opening a studio and turning dance into my full time income source to support myself that I'd start to resent it. That I would lose some of the enjoyment I get from it because I relied on it to pay my bills. That and there's SO much drama with dance studios. (or well can be) Plus, everyone and there mother has a studio, so what would make mine any different?

 I just want to give back.
To feel like my life matters and I'll have made a difference.
I feel like in many ways Dance has saved me from myself.
Even when everything feels like it's falling apart and couldn't get any worse, if I can just breathe through and emote everything with a gesture, a movement, a phrase... I know I'm okay. I know everything will be okay and that I'm just alive and in the moment and that bad feelings/things will eventually pass.

Dreams: A Journey Through Her Mind (Full Cast)

I want to inspire others.
I think that the only way to lead is to lead through example.
Your actions are stronger than your words, so make sure you
follow through with what you say you are going to do. 
I'm a strong believer Mahatma Gandhi's words of wisdom:

"Be the change you 
wish to see in the world."

 There's that thing called "Pay it forward"
So make a list of easy things you can do that will make others and yourself feel good.
-Smile more (sometimes smiling at someone is all they need to set them off on a good day)
-Give a compliment
-Donate food to your local food pantry (a lot of grocery stores will have a basket or area for donated goods in the front of the store.)
-Pick up a coffee for a co-worker that seems stressed.
-Write a little note for a loved one and put it somewhere they'll find telling them some of the reasons why they are so important to you.
-Volunteer at your local senior citizens center and donate an hour of your time to a lonely older individual that doesn't see family or friends very often. (It can mean the world to them)
-Clean out your closet and donate clothes you don't wear often to goodwill.
-Create a thank you or care package for a soldier over seas. Try Any Soldier

***Obviously these are just a few things. The potential for doing something good and paying it forward has so many possibilities.
But just try a few things.
It'll make your heart smile.

 I feel like you need to constantly continue growing and learning.
Life is an ongoing experience we are meant to develop from.
I think sometimes people just get stuck in the routine of just getting by, and they forget that they need to continue to learn.

Education is an unending process. You can never be too smart.
You'll never know Everything. Some people are against it because it makes them feel like they are conforming and giving in. That life is about enjoyment, and learning/school/education (especially for some) is a very challenging experience... and when given the choice they will opt out.

I once swore I'd never go back to school.
But here I am these days... taking one class a semester as I'm chipping away at my MBA slowly.
It's definitely difficult, but it's like I feel my brain struggle to absorb the information and just one day everything seems to click. That's the feeling I love. That realization that you finally understand it. So I will continue to dream big and keep on trudging forward towards my goals, because I know in the end it will be worth it.

 “Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.”

~Angela Monet

Reflections: As Time Continues to Change - Stylized Movement's 3rd Official Project

 Stylized Movement's 3rd Project is finally coming together as well. We are working on a show called Reflections: As Time Continues to Change.
The show is all about "Reflections" meaning: Reflecting on life as it's changing, current events, issues with society, looking at your actions and how it impacts the world and others. It could be something as simple as a concept surrounding a present issue (ie. recycling and global warming, war, economic debt, bullying epidemic amongst kids) or around a personal issue/something to think about like loss, unhealthy relationships (with yourself, with others), focusing on the positive, etc....

The charity we've decided to work with for this Show/Project is Andrew's helping hands which is a local non-profit (out of Hudson, MA)  that helps families through the bone marrow transplant process.
The reason we chose this charity because 100% of it's donations get put back out to the families in need. There is no overhead, and all the work is strictly on a volunteer basis (much like Stylized Movement).
More information can be found about them at: Andrew's Helpful Hands

Stylized Movement.... We Engage, Inspire, Create and Define...

 "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself. "

                                                                      ~Albert Einstein 

     Peace and Love.

               -Em