Open Auditions for Stylized Movement

Finally got the ball up and running with the dance company again. I kept putting off auditions, waiting for life to slow down a little. But life never slows down... it just gets busier and busier, until there aren't enough hours in the day. (Which consistently seems to be the case) So I've jumped back in full force.

Feel free to help me spread the word to local dancers, choreographers, musicians, artists, etc...

CALLING ALL DANCERS AND CHOREOGRAPHERS!!!

Open Auditions Jan. 22nd 2012

Where: Center Stage Dance Studio - 43 Broad Street - Hudson, MA

Time: 1pm - 4pm

Show - Reflections: As Time Continues to Change

**Repertoire will be based around life as it's changing, current events, issues with society, reflecting on your actions and how it impacts the world and others.

Show will take place during August of 2012 (Date TBD)

Stylized Movement is looking for dancers and choreographers, as well as other volunteers to assist with the production of this project

The show’s proceeds will be donated to a local charity that will be decided upon at a later date.

The audition will start with a warm up, across the floor, short piece of choreography. Then dancers will have a chance to perform a short 30-60 second solo.

To RSVP or for more info please visit: Open Auditions - Stylized Movement

Engage, Inspire, Create and Define.

Much love,
-Emily Cudmore
Artistic Director

www.stylizedmovement.com

 

Follow Us on Twitter: Stylized Movement Twitter

Or on Facebook: Stylized Movement Facebook Account

Stories Untold May Never Unfold

i dream of you
dream of feeling your soft kisses against my neck
as you tuck my hair behind my ear, and guide my lips to yours
i'm melting like an ice cube in an arid desert
much faster than the beating of my heart
echoing loudly inside my ribcage
It's a shock, a tingle, an essence, a moment
this feeling reverberating inside

i don't ever want to let go

Wendy Whiner

My day so far...

1. Got lost in the woods trying to find the country club. 

2. My GPS told me we had arrived and we were no where near a country club... :\
   When I got there I was trying to carry one of the boxes in through the front door and some cute young guy (golfer/member something) opened the door for me. My keys and papers fell off the box as I struggled to get through the front door. He asked if he could take them for me and I said, "No worries. I got it. " As he placed my papers and keys back on the top of this big box, I started walking in and I hit the edge of it on the door as I was trying to walk through and the box came back hit me in the face. Must have thought I was just a hot frikken mess. haha...
    

3. finally got back to work, and no time for lunch because of the interview schedule, and the wasted time being lost.
    

4. oh and my nylons just ripped,
    

5. I have a boo boo on my finger that hurts.

plaid is all the rage

Plaid clothing reminds me of my father. Growing up all he would ever wear was a pair of corduroy pants and a button up plaid shirt as his weekend attire... he still wears them, with a hanes crew neck t shirt with a pocket for his ciggys.
I also remember the plaid shirts I used to rock in 5th grade, when grunge was all the rage. Seems like its making a valid come back these days.

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finding happiness - a dream inside a dream

some nights I'm haunted even in my dreams... constantly searching for my happiness.

I couldn't find you anywhere. I'm walking through the woods, listening to the acorns and leaves crunch beneath my feet. Suddenly the trees part and open up to this enormous golden field that stretches for eternity. The grass is waist high, soft and dry with the wind blowing so it looks like rippling waves across the field. The sun is so bright I'm forced to squint and it's like I'm wandering around blindly. But I see you faintly in the distance, by the one giant willow tree that's around. It's branches long and leaning towards the earth.
I run. I run absolutely as fast as I can. I'm scared your going to disappear. Terrified. As fast as I run, it almost doesn't seem like you're getting any closer. 

But finally I make it to you. Fling myself into your arms and kiss you. I've needed those kisses so badly... and I'm telling you I've missed you so much and you're all I've ever needed.

Untamed

Untamed

Longing for the whispering winter nights
That brought along sweet nothings
And wandering thoughts
While the stars hung low
And the moon peaked over the horizon

There were naked branches,
Black silhouettes against the sapphire sky
As bare as my exposed soul
Unbound and set free
But what's set free can't be restrained
So I remain untamed and wild…

Diabetes Dreaming - Pump Challenge

I have lots of weird abstract dreams on a daily basis...

Last night I dreamt that my insulin pump came out and  I kept trying to reinsert it and it would go in my skin, but then the tubing would detach. I was flipping out and screaming for help, cause I knew I would die without insulin, however everyone ignored me and wouldn't stop and help me figure out why the tubing was detaching. Finally after about 12 tries of stabbing it in my thigh, side, and stomach and saying I needed to go to the emergency room I inserted it in my inner thigh. I thought it was fixed, but I touched the tube and it fell away
and started gushing blood. Like when they take an iv out and the blood force is so strong it just like sprays in out of a stream from your vein. I thought I was going to die, but John finally came and helped. Kissed away my tears.

I woke up. Didn't fully remember the dream until I was driving into work. I thought it was odd though. I guess I am a little odd. :p

advice from Mac MacGuff (JUNO 2007)

From Mac MacGuff in JUNO:

"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

Festering Splinter

An Emptiness

Filled with this negativity

And the sentiments, with which you just don’t agree.

You say that I don’t see,

where the real problem lies.

But behind your eyes, you want things where I can’t compromise.

The smoky haze, creates a glaze that mask the tears that linger.

A hopeless gaze, not just a phase that disguises a festering splinter. 

music appreciation

         Do you ever just wish you could sing? I wish it all the time. I have good friends who are extremely musically inclined and when I hear her sing so strongly in that deep melodic voice, it leaves me mesmerized and wishing I could captivate people in that same way.

        However, I have the range capacity of a hoarse troll and my singing will pierce your ears like an off key cackling hyena. I remember thinking that I could sing when I was younger, belting "Part of your World" from the Little Mermaid, thinking I could in fact be Ariel herself. Hahah. Oh man. And the time I decided it would be a good idea to sing the national anthem in front of everyone at a school basketball game with Stacy Babeau when we were on the cheering squad. OMG it was horrific. I still feel mortified that my friends didn't try and stop me....

        Oh well.

        It happens.

        I just love how music is such a powerful force and can move you, twist your emotions, send you mood through the roof. I think that's some of the reason why I dance. When the music is playing, depending on what type of song, I am transported to a world that lets me fall from reality and I can't help but let the melody move me.

bottomless pit - reflecting on depression

I feel like when you haven't physically felt depression, you really have no clue what it's like and in such respect just can't fathom what it's like to just hurt for what's seemingly, no apparent reason... so it's hard to relate. I've always been a very up and down person, going through some bad things when I was younger that maybe put a bit of a chip on my shoulder... I was dealing with some serious feelings as a teenager, and really struggled with coping. I'm sure the lack of sleep from partying along with the party-kid lifestyle and not taking good care of myself, it was no surprise i didn't feel balanced.
I was constantly searching for a way to escape my feelings, to not feel so crazy and alone... it's like you can be in a sea of people, but their all washing over you, continuing on in their way of life. No one really takes the time to notice, nor really do they care. They have their own problems. I mean they care in a way, and would talk to you if you told them how you felt... But then there's this stigma associated with it. "She's crazy, she needs to take meds." I've never liked taking them, but when I'm off them for a long time, and I begin to feel like I'm sinking... Like it's too much effort to wake up, and brush your teeth and go to work. Nothing matters, no one cares. You feel an empty pang constantly gnawing at you and it's like your body literally hurts. For some reason it makes me feel like I feel like this for a reason, like I deserve to feel this bad. Like I don't deserve to live.... and that's a fucked up feeling that I guess is hard to explain to someone that's never felt like that. It's this barren, hollow, dead feeling. No one understands you, and it doesn't fucking matter any way because your so tiny in the scheme of things anyways...

I used to cut myself.
I thought that was a way to let the hurt out. Just bleed out my sins so I would feel better. Bleed so I knew that I was still alive, still living. I got therapy and was able to stop, but I still have the scars on ankles to remind me.
I feel like these days my moods are cyclical. Some days are great... others still hurt so bad and I feel so lost in this huge world, all I can ask myself is what the fuck am I doing? But it's just life... it is what it is, and I try to take it as it is. But somedays are so much harder than others...

The Script - For the First Time

"She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart,
While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar,
And we don't know how,
How we got in to this mad situation,
Only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard"
~The Script

Clusterfuck Cycles

Some days I think I know what I’m doing

Others I’m spinning in circles.

Life’s like a tumultuous wind,

whirling and swirling

And I’m curling my toes in excitement.

Suddenly it’s like I’m standing at the top of a mountain

Higher than the trees and cloud-line.

Waiting for a sign that tells me to leap

And feeling the need to realign.

Because it’s as if I’m jumbled and twisted

My minds a cluster-fuck of emotions.

It’s like I’m trapped in a web, blood to be sucked

Or I’m sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

Sometimes I stand beneath the sun

Hotter than water boiling in a bucket

Overwhelmed by the glowing warmth felt on my face

Maybe someday I’ll just say fuck it…   

                        

toxic

Confusion surrounds

I know you thought it was black and white
But rather it's
Shades of gray
Painted in uneven lines
In the city night
Where heat and toxicity
Radiate with bad energy
Seep through the cracks
And poison us. 

frustrated thoughts...

The lights came crashing in
Static through the darkness
And I’m falling away
Fading
Like the pictures on the wall
I should know better
Then to think you’d understand
But through all the drama
I see how you’re just a man.

Can’t you listen to me?
Can’t you see how this hurts?
Put two and two together
We can surely see
That this won’t ever work

So I’m left here alone
As the blackness comes in
Sinks into my being
Bleeding over all of my sins
Yet you live and you learn
Start over again
Pick up all the pieces
And try to keep
From going insane.

night terrors

Dream Attacks
Of Blueberry Blues
And Blackberry Blacks
And All Types Of Nonsense
Tied Up In Sacks
Trapped In The Ice
Locked In A Vice
Deep Under The Dirt
With Beatles, Worms, and Lice
Can’t Escape
Don’t Contemplate
What It’ll Take
To Get Outta Here.

early mornings

	Love me in the warmth of your touch That turns me gold inside Bright like the colors of changing autumnal foliage Through the cracking window panes The sunlight glows Beaming in As I melt with each breath you take We are one, you and I And I could watch you sleep forever...

gone

Pomegranate green tea
Steaming from my mug
The sweet earthy vapors
Awakening my senses
Sitting on the front porch
Old ivory paint cracking
Like the pain in my chest
And the shortness of breath that accompanies

Setting in, setting in
After it simmered in my subconscious
Marinated in my brain
Warm memories of you
Making me wonder where you are
Even though I know your gone...

ramblings of the misunderstood: Part One

I feel like a part of me has always been misunderstood, and I've put a lot of pressure on being well liked by everyone and be a well rounded, normal, successful individual. But what is normal? And why does it matter to me that I be understood.?..I feel like, for me at least it comes from this under lying desire to be accepted. I remember from a very young age I was concerned with my image and how I appeared to others... often feeling insecure. I remember in particular being young, probably still in grade school, wishing I had nice clothes like the girls who got to buy their outfits from Abercrombie and Fitch. I thought it would make me cooler if I had these things. It's not like I didn't have decent clothes... I just always felt like it wasn't good enough.
I never felt adequate.
I've always felt a little bit crazy too. I think a part of me still wonders if I'm crazy, and if I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm not. But I over analyze what people think about me and sometimes put their wants and likes before mine, which can give off the impression that I'm fake at times.... It's really just this feeling that's lingering inside, where I'm still this little kid saying, "I just want them to LIKE ME." My whole life I guess in a way I've played different parts trying to figure out who I was. I was the exuberant child always trying to be the center of attention, I was dark and gothic for awhile listening to Marilyn Manson, with thick black eyeliner and a tear I painted on my cheek (haha ridiculous I know!), I was the Cheerleader trying to be cool and hang with the popular crowd, I was the party kid with kandy bracelets doing drugs like it was my job and Raving all up the East Coast, I was the hardcore lesbian who rocked long baggy shorts and a snow board cap, I was the fresh graduate who worked hard in a corporate setting and played even harder, and I was the super-serious super-driven girl trying to get something started with her dance company and turned it into a non-profit company.  I think in many ways I still don't know who I am... I adapt in different ways to different situations and feel like all these extreme versions of myself different points in my life are just different parts of what makes up who I am.

I just always need to remind myself, that who I am is a good thing.
My experiences have shaped me into me, and I think most days I'm okay with that...

Heavy Heart

Heavy Heart

I feel so, so, so

Heavy…

As if the levee broke

And I’m under a thousand pounds of water,

Slowly sinking,

Unable to float.

And as I descend,

Deeper and deeper

Wishing the price I already paid was cheaper

But I’m not sleeping,  I’m weeping

Cause slowly I’m creeping,

Down a trail I never meant to take.

In solitude,

Always alone.

I’ve been shown things I should have known.

But in this silence, thoughts wander

Choices appear

The pathway never seems to be clear

And my dear;

This option I’ve chosen may very well

leave me frozen inside. 

inside her head

Some days I stay inside my head

And unthread the thoughts of crimson and red

While this hunger inside remains unfed

And this blood I’ve shed is meaningless.

But these feelings I feel,

Too profound to be real

Still bleeding, won’t heal.

Caught in this cycle of ideal

Like a wheel that’s continuously spinning…

I used to think I was a dreamer of dreams

A believer it seems, in silence and screams

Rushing along with streams and moon beams,

As I gleamed with the essence of your being.

But I’ve come undone, fallen apart

Faded and cracked like old ancient art

My head is smart, but I’m following my heart

And hoping that at the end of this road,

Is a fresh new start…